NEWS
February 03 2010
“This is John Hollenbeck, reporting from the Grammys”
What? huh? That doesn’t sound right…
Well, true dat, son!
My Large Ensemble Recording, eternal interlude was nominated for a Grammy this year. And not only that, but I actually went to the festivities! Theo Bleckman, my great friend (and fellow nominee) was thinking of going and so I thought I would take Kate, my lovely wife…once she found out Lady Gaga was performing, she was going!!!
Ever the frugal traveler, I came up with a master plan that involved
taking the train (yes, there is a train!) from LAX directly to the LA Convention Center to pick up our tickets which we had to do before 10pm on Saturday. I was curious about the rail line and I’m here to say, it was cool, cheap and efficient! I enjoyed the irony of taking the train to pick-up tickets for the Grammys. And we still had time to go to The Nickel Diner (highly recommended!) before the night was over!
On Grammy day, after an important visit to the hair salon for an „updo“ (my new favorite word), we took a very quick limo (by now I realized that most girls probably don’t want to go the Grammys in a train) ride to the LA Convention for the pre-telecast ceremony. We got there unfashionably early, before the red carpet was unfurled, so we missed out on that experience, but we got good seats! (we saved seats for Theo and his best dude, Preston).
As soon as we got there, we realized one of the best parts of this shindig is people watching! From kimonos to something resembling an aluminum foil balloon-miniskirt…the other attendees were dressed to the nines (I did unfortunately see one of those tuxedo tee shirts that were „in“ for a second in 80’s geekdom). The pre-telecast is a long affair: 3 hours, 99 categories with 4 performances in between. Kurt Elling and Tia Carrere (from Wayne’s World and most recently,Richard’s girlfriend on Curb your enthusiasm.) ably hosted the show, not an easy task. Except for one women sitting next to Preston, who seemed to know and love every nominee, most people seemed dead or even just split when it was wasn’t a category they were interested in. Maxwell and Taylor Swift were the only big new stars who showed up to gather their awards.
Soon after the gospel categories (“Thank you Jesus”...), the jazz categories came. When my category (large ensemble #45) was called, rows and I mean ROWS of uninterested people (I think it was mostly the girls in the balloon outfits) split like there was a fire - not a good sign for “America’s music.” Fully ready to lose to the late-great Bob Florence, I was surprised that Mick Fleetwood (yes you heard that right) announced „The New Orleans Jazz Orchestra“, although if it was based on audience applause, the UNT Jazz Band (I didn’t even know that a student band would be eligible, gee I wonder if any UNT alumni voted for them?) would have won, because I think the whole band was there! I have not heard the NOJO album, nor do I know anyone who has heard it…weird. I remember trying to find clips or info on it a few weeks ago and I could not find anything. So how does an album win when you can’t find any info on it or hear it?
(„I’m not angry, I’m just pointing!“) But after what those particular musicians have gone through, I would give them a bunch of Grammys if it helps them…maybe others felt the same?
After jazz, folk, country categories and a great performance by Kurt Elling and Lalah Hathaway it was time for the exciting classical categories….even more people split or just went comatose,
(even the enthusiastic lady took a breather here). Most of the classical people were not present and that kind of puts a damper on things…(maybe they could drop some hints to some people to get them to show up: “dude, are you going to the grammys? are you sure? dude, you might want to go-I have a good feeling you will enjoy parts of it, especially the awards ceremony part.”)
Theo and Kneebody were in the tough „crossover“ category. Yo-Yo probably always wins just for his great name, who doesn’t like a good Yo-Yo?
Things got more exciting for rap, pop, etc., but by that time everybody was tired and hungry. Plus after you win, you don’t go back to your seat but to the media area, so as the ceremony goes on most of the „audience“ consists of the “losers” - that is a definite vibe-kill.
As we exited, Theo talked briefly to his next “new best friend”, Imogen Heap (think „Beyonce for geeks“), who was decked out in something that resembled a large dog collar, which was in fact her “twitter feed” attached to a transparent plastic iphone carrier with matching umbrella…it actually looked a lot cooler than my description of it.
We quickly made our way over to the Staples Center for the televised event where most people gorged themselves on expensive hotdogs and pretzels and $5 water in the lobby. Those who know me, know I didn’t go for the dogs.
Now the “famous people” watching really started! It was fun to be near so many people I have only seen on the screen! I enjoyed a lot of the show, the theatrics of it and was in awe of the logistical end of things. Except for one mic that didn’t come on in time, I did not notice any snafus, and there were some pretty risky things: mid-air acrobatics, fire, not to mention Gaga’s very pointy, scary Gumby-like outfit (I would love to see her try to get on a flight with that thing….not to give anybody any ideas, but instead bringing a knife, why not wear a big “knife hat”?)
To me (and Preston, Kate, Theo) Pink was by far the most amazing part of the evening. She sang a very nice, understated song, while simultaneously doing Cirque de Soleil acrobatics in a silk curtain hanging and moving over „the famous people“. Then she got totally soaked in water (I hope it was water) and let it sprinkle down on „the famous people“ as she whirled and twirled and spun to ultimately land perfectly and walk off the stage, ending the only subtle, truly magically event all evening.
And speaking of the lack of understatement, my biggest pet peeve with the event was that this is supposed to be an organization about the recording arts and music yet there were multiple times when the music was deafening and painful. Why so loud?
More „yuck“ moments (anything involving Taylor….“Oh my god, this is the first time I won a Grammy!....Oh my god, this is the first time I walked up the stairs to get a Grammy…. Oh my god, who is this lady singing with me? My grandmother? Should I be harmonizing and blending with her? Oh my god! I hope that mean African guy is not here again!”)
Bon Jovi - yawn, Green Day – hackneyed - yawn.
On the other hand, Eminem’s flaccid…...rhythms and precise enunciations were awesome, who knew he was also cursing? I hope he does one of those slowed down Texas rap albums, so I can actually get some of those bad words. Also memorable was Stephen Colbert who was hilarious as always (although I think he might be having an affair with his daughter…)
There were some great drummers! (and Travis Barker was there too!) and Carter Beauford, no wait is that Dennis Chambers?, no it is Carter. Chris Dave! I spent a day last week writing an open letter to him in the form of a string quartet piece (with drums of course)...he is so groovy. Does Beyonce need two drummers? („Ok, I’ll play the backbeat, oh you are already doing that….OK, I’ll play the hihat, oh you are already doing that….ok, I’ll play the same rhythms as you but on MY drumset…..damn I was gonna play that fill!“) I SAW alot of horns on stage, but didn’t really hear them.
The deafening music came back for the „after party“ - the music was so loud, I had to yell into Kate’s ear to say anything. Maybe I sound like a cranky old man, but that is just wrong! While disoriented by the loud music, I ran into the wall-skyscraper called Robert Horry (former NBA star). I doubt he looked down to see me, but he did feel the presence of something in front of him and waited patiently while I decided which way to move so that I was not in front of him anymore (“should I go towards 33rd Street or 34th Street?”)
The evening ended with „the presentation of the Gift Bag“, which was a disappointment for me personally because it only contained womanly hair products. Tia Carrere was in line with us and Kate complimented her on her emceeing abilities which she was happy to hear.
Grammys?...check! (been there, done that). Now if I could just get a gig at the Newport Jazz Festival, my life would be complete!